i'm done.

that's it. the title says it all.
i'm done.
with everything.
its not like anyone cares to read my blog
i'm just another suicidal teen that isnt going anywhere in life but to hell.
straight to fucking hell.

i just.. don't know..

I just don't know how to pull through anymore. I've been on this bumpy road for three years, going through the phases of trying to be okay. I just don't want to fight anymore. I don't think I will ever be good enough. I don't see a point in trying anymore. I feel as if I'm drowning and there isn't anyone who cares enough to pull me out of the water. I'm not strong enough to do it on my own.

i have finally given up hope in a better tomorrow. 

if i had a choice, i would just sleep my life away.

I can't take it anymore. I can't. My mother is a pill-popping whore now, and my sister.. well my sister.. she beats the fuck out of me every chance she gets.. My brother just stands off to the side and watches my life fall apart.. He calls these girls online "the best sister ever!!!" but not his own sisters.. It makes me feel like a piece of shit. So.. Guess what? I hurt myself again. I think about suicide all the fucking time and this blog is the ONLY thing I can vent to about it. No one else wants to hear it. They all think I'm lying. They all think that my home life is perfect, because I tell them it is that way. The only person I told that it wasn't, she gave me a dirty look and pretty much told me she didn't believe me. So, I don't try to tell anyone anything anymore. All that I want to do is sleep, eat, and do whatever drugs I can get my hands on. I find it hard to believe in God when all that he has done for me was gave me shit for a life. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve a crazy mother who is bipolar but won't get on meds for it. I don't deserve the clinical depression the doctors diagnosed me with. I don't deserve any of it. Why does it have to be me? Why can't someone else have this life? I don't believe I am strong enough to live it anymore. Nothing/No one helps me. Because no one really cares. In the end I'm going to be alone anyways..

if you don't love me, pretend.

Lol. I haven't posted this in forever buuut. uh. I'm in school and I'm bored as fuck.
I have no life. and I can't get on tumblr. merrr.
i will post moar later.. <3

this is all i have to say.

You've noticed a change, huh? She doesn't text you as often. She never calls you anymore. When she does text you, she never says sweet things to you anymore. She takes her time texting you back. When you try and start an argument you can tell she really doesn't give a crap. She makes you feel pathetic. Guys post on her wall and she actually replies now. You notice that she's moving on, talking to other guys and going on dates. And now you're starting to realize how beautiful she really is. She's amazing isn't she? Well too bad, cause you lost her. There was a time when you were her world. Her everything. She really wanted you. But you pushed her aside. You failed to realize that unlike the rest, she wasn't afraid to walk away. She was strong enough to let go. And now suddenly you love her? Do you even KNOW how much pain you caused her? A ton. So don't come around with your "I miss you" bs. She's gone.



i have a tumblr now. 
so like. 
follow me.
ceyerrathesailor.tumblr.com

This can't be all there is..

So, lately. My boyfriend and I? Are about to break up. I don't know if I can deal with being on the bottom of his priority list anymore.. He's ditching the plans him and I made for me to make him a candle lit dinner for COLORADO.
Seriously..? I can't believe him. It hurts so much. I was crying earlier.. but like I'm going to tell him that. I don't know if I can fall for someone who is so.. selfish. It makes my stomach sick. Alls he thinks about is himself. He doesn't take in consideration MY feelings...
That's all I'll be posting for today.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9I8cVlZDOT4
Vices - Memphis May Fire. <3

I see the scars that remain.

So I haven't posted in this in a very very long time, but hello! I'm back. :) And I have a new hair color. ;) ALSO, I have a boyfriend. [If I didn't have one last time I posted]. My mom and I are on good terms, my sister and I? Not so much. :b She's been extremely bitchy lately and I have no idea why. D: I still love her though. My life is going really really well. :3 I have also started to believe in God, but I still question it a lot. I know like no one reads this blog so I have no idea why I still bother to post in it. But it's like my diary & I love it. <3 BUT, I'm going to go now. Bye. <3


Tattoo I want :

Alis Grave Nil -  nothing is heavy to those who have wings. I want to get it across my chest though, or i want to get the english version across my chest, like a chest piece, ok. i'm done. bye<3